I had an interesting lunchtime conversation with a friend at work. A few of us were standing around devoting ourselves to the time-honoured activity that every employee from Toronto to Bangladesh indulges in....complaining about our jobs. It was all in good-natured jest, and then my friend made it serious by saying, well at least we're lucky to be alive! I thought about that for a split second and said, I don't think we can bring that into the equation. None of us asked to be born and all of us are going to die....so to have a conversation about what affects the quality of the day, you have to take life and death out of it.

We ARE alive, so start from there.

I love my morning ritual. I wake up at 5:10 and as I mentioned last week, usually hit the pavement around 5:30 for my walk. The coffee has brewed by the time I get back (I like it hot and strong), I turn on my laptop and cruise around until just before 6:30 when I have my shower. I press my clothes, dry and curl my hair, eat breakfast, make my lunch, put my mascara on and am out the door at 7:30.

I work in an area that's surrounded by a beautiful courtyard, exquisitely maintained and am within a two minute walk of the most unusual fountain that I have ever seen. I've made good friends at work, the stress is punctuated by laughter and joking and am lucky to work for leaders who are supportive and understanding.

I came to the realization a long time ago, that if my day is going to be a success, I have to be a conscious and willing participant. That means staying away from the negative people; it means finding time to STOP and look around me. Look at my surroundings and finding beauty or something of interest that captures my imagination and my senses.

I find the sound of the songbirds in the courtyard garden sweet and pure. The flowers a feast for my eyes and the fountain's constant murmuring almost erotically pleasurable.

I learn a little bit more each day about my companions....what they love, what they don't; what moves them and even though they don't say, what they fear. I love people and find that sharing a smile is the most uplifting way to pass a moment or two.

Coming home, I have the anticipation of an evening that may be full, or may be quiet. I might spend it watching TV; reading, writing, planning, talking on the phone; making a wonderful meal for myself or spending the sweetest of evenings sharing a countertop picnic of pickles and garlic bread with my dearest friend.

Late most evenings, I roll out my yoga mat and practice for an hour. The only light in the room comes from a small desk lamp. I face the stars and the night sky, ground myself in Tadasana (Mountain Pose) and begin. When I'm finished, I sit quietly at my desk, and think about my day, or my life. I then brush my teeth and go to sleep.

My life is simple. I like it simple.

There's very little I need to make me happy.
Nature. Good food. Books. A phone. My friends. My family. And to share my laughter, heart and body with a beloved.

I don't know that I agree with my workmate that we are LUCKY to be alive, but we are, so I say find a way to make the best of it while we're here. It's taken me a lifetime to understand that most things don't matter...but the things that do matter, I give my whole heart and soul to.

The word "karma" is a carelessly used and hip way to say you're going to get yours. In actuality since life on earth began, it has been a system that has worked flawlessly to remind us that our actions or non-actions are monitored and the consequences will be reward or punishment...no in between.

In India, the birthplace of yoga, karma yoga evolved as an extension of the search for the meaning of existence. An ancient text called the Bhagavad Gita had the god Krishna explain that, "Service without attachment to the fruits of one's actions is the path to realization." Karma (or "action") yoga is the performance of selfless service to others.

I experienced two such selfless acts this week.

I was talking to my girlfriend about how very much I wanted to attend my nephew's graduation. My sister lives out of town and getting there would be no problem by GO bus, but with my hours at work and the length of time it would take to travel, I would have been two hours late. Pretty much a lost cause. My girlfriend, knowing how much this meant to me, offered to drive me to my sister's. Forty-five minutes there and forty-five minutes back, just for the sake of getting me to my nephew. As I mentioned in my last blog, I am aware when divine beneficence strikes and I was in its presence when my beloved friend offered her "services".

And on Wednesday I experienced another selfless act of generosity. I will be starting a course in September that will be one more step in the realization of my goal. I found out that I could pay for the course over time and set up a budget that would allow me to meet my daily expenses and save for the tuition. It's going to be tight. And as fate would have it, a number of unexpected occurrences immediately threw my budget into a tailspin and the tuition fund was already compromised. I was informed that I would be losing a day's pay due to an office closure on July 3rd, and I needed to travel to my parent's to help with their move over the next couple of weekends.

Another dear friend, knowing too well my circumstances, came over unexpectedly on Wednesday to offer traveling money to help ease the drain. For his generosity, all I could offer was a cup of coffee and my sincere thanks. This was not the first time he has stepped forward to "rescue" me. He does it for the most basic reasons. Because he can, and because it is in his nature to do no less. I cannot say I have ever met such a giving soul as he. And he gives with joy.

For their "actions" my two friends will reap their rewards; sometime, somewhere, somehow. Maybe from me, when it's my turn to "give back", or maybe through another source. But reap those rewards they will.

Ram Dass said, "Allow yourself to be the flute through which the music of God will pour through. Be an instrument of service."

Do whatever it takes to be that conduit through which your actions will be of service to others. Give with money if you can...or give with your time. Do something for someone else especially when you're abysmally tired. Go out of your way to treat someone, or just treat them with kindness. Help a stranger and watch them smile. Look out for your friends and step in and step up. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And then do a bit more.

Be of service to others, unattach yourself from the fruits of your actions and sit back and watch the universal dance of give and take. It is beautiful to behold.

May you give with joy and receive with humility and thanks. And then give again...

Rumi said, "The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you; Don't go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want; Don't go back to sleep. People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open. Don't go back to sleep."

So I set the alarm for 5:10 and crawled out of bed. Brushed my teeth, put my sneakers on and was out the door at 5:30. With no sun in sight I hit the sidewalk. The stark morning air was like a long cool drink of water. I dug into the cement head thrown back breathing deeply; smelling freshness and newness. I watched as a few fellow early risers scurried to the bus stop, knowing that would be me in two hours. I'm an impatient meditator; that's why I don't sit in Lotus with a beatific smile pasted on my lips. Walking, as much as yoga, has been a moving meditation for me for many years.
And I have a lot to think about.

I've been deeply troubled for many weeks and needed a "different" approach. I hoped my connection to the earth and the quiet breeze at dawn would ease my heart and offer answers that I've been seeking. I was looking for Rumi's magical secrets to unfold with each step. So I asked and asked and asked...please help me....please tell me what to do....please help me...please....

But there was nothing. No insights. No epiphanies. No revelations.

I completed my half hour physically refreshed, but mentally disappointed. I "get" meditation. I "get" opening my soul to inspiration...but I'm afraid that I don't "get" why nothing happened. They say...you know THEY...that patience is key. Divine inspiration and universal benificence are offered on a different schedule than our own. That's the part I have trouble with. I'm a doer; not a waiter. I want to fix, nudge, exhort, and DO immediately. You'd think the universe would appreciate my enthusiasm and dedication.

Uh no.

So like you, I have to wait for the bones to be cast, the scales to be weighed and the signs to appear. I have to teach this stuff one day. So I'd better suck it up and learn to wait with grace.

I'm not going anywhere anyway. I'll be here. But oh, may my heart be eased sooner rather than later.

I have been consumed this afternoon with three words: gratitude, appreciation and worth.

About a month ago I was hired for a position I believed was full-time, but eventually learned to my dismay, that it was temporary. For the last two weeks I succumbed to fear, defeat and despondency. I would have to start all over again. I was up for the challenge, but oh, I was so tired. At work, in the meantime, I was determined to leave a lasting impression no matter how few my days left. I have a strict sense of excellence; I expect a lot from myself; and have an all out love of competition. If my main opponent is myself, all the better :) Today, as I was leaving and wishing everyone a good weekend, I had occasion to talk to the owner. He informed me that my position would be extended and this was strictly due to the recommendation of my immediate superior. He has been exceedingly complimentary over the past month and because of his own high standards, he appreciated the same in me. Can I tell you how rare this is in the workplace?

I worked at a job for 16 years, where praise was an unheard of acclamation and excellence in an underling was something to be feared. I worked for a unionized company where tenure was the claim to fame rather than diligence, productivity and innovation. Many brilliant and outstanding co-workers of mine were left to mire in menial drudgery, while less than stellar performers walked into higher paying jobs simply because they had been there for a hundred years. It wasn't even a decent game of Survivor. Forget outwit and outplay; all you had to do was outlast.

I had forgotten what merit tasted like. Sweet.

I floated home on a cloud and promptly wrote my boss a thank you email; with a promise to work even harder and to never let him down. His faith in me will be rewarded tenfold. Everybody wins. I win. His business wins.

Worth, your own self-worth should never be dependent on someone else. That I believe with all my heart. But if you've ever had the opportunity to see yourself in someone else's eyes and seen yourself shining from them; if you've ever heard words of praise; if you've ever been raised up, been applauded, or even been given a word of thanks....you know that appreciation is one of the higher rewards of life.

I bet you know what's coming next. THE LESSON. Appreciation can spread over every facet of your life. I have people saying to me, but Linda, if we do half the stuff you suggest, it would take all day and all night just to fit it all in. So when you're tired after a long day and all you want to do is put your feet up and grab the remote...when someone hands you a drink because they want to ease your fatigue by doing something nice for you...how long does it take to grab their hand and say a heart-felt thank you? Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for making my life easier. It takes seconds. Appreciation is worth any time it takes to give it. It's an unwrapped gift, given from the heart and received with joy.

At 9:17 I laid out my yoga mat and started with a series of Sun Salutations. I know a couple of you are going to snicker at the preciseness. I don't blame you. It seems a little rigid, timing such a graceful, meditative practice. But I do that with all my exercise. I put on ABBA at 4:11 this afternoon and danced for precisely 30 minutes. And last night I lifted weights for 27 minutes. Why do I do this? Because I keep a log. A log of the type and duration of my exercise. I found many years ago I respond best to this type of discipline and it has served me well.

As I was flipping up and down and breathing in and out, I was listening to Robin Sharma's CD, "Extraordinary Leadership." He talked about discipline and I felt a little tug of pride that I was performing at an elite level. But as the CD continued, I felt a little tug of alarm as well.

He was telling the story of his visit to a restaurant that had reached the height of it's success, and seemed to be sliding in the customer service department. When Robin shared his experience with a business leader, the man explained to Robin that nothing "fails like success." In other words, when success is achieved, complacency sets in and the downward spiral begins.

I began to think about that in terms of everyday life. You see, the reason for all the flipping around on the yoga mat and the weights and the cardio is because during my layoff, I let complacency take the place of discipline and I gained a whopping 8 pounds. More snickering I know. But 8 pounds to me might as well be 50. In 1995 I was over-weight and it took me a year, but I shed 40 pounds and managed to keep it off for 11 years with a lot of hard work and even more will power. During the past six months I have endured more stress, been more sedentary and more lost than ever before in my life. Exercise has been intermittent and every time I get up the steam to start over, I hit a snag; whether it be another job rejection or personal drama. Instead of working off steam in my sneakers or on the mat, I grabbed the cookie bag and moaned on my couch.

So I'm starting again. I expect better of myself and frankly I deserve the best. We all do.

And that's the segue to my next thought. Complacency is a tricky and potentially devastating state. How often do we take ourselves for granted? We go about our business day in, day out, doing the same things, saying the same things, eating the same things, watching the same shows...and another day goes by in a very short life. How often do we take the people we know or love for granted? As we all sneak little looks around the room, I'd say it was the majority of us. You know someone for years. You know their habits, likes, dislikes, thoughts and idiosyncrasies. You know what they like to eat, where they like to go, what they like to do. There's no mystery, no surprises....or so you think.

I want you to try something. Look at your spouse, your kid, your friend, your lover or look in the mirror and say something totally unexpected. Something they wouldn't expect you to say in a hundred years. Say something that you've kept deep inside you. Pry off the outer mask and let your bare face show. Why do you want to do this? Because within each one of us lives a soul that rarely dares to show itself. It's the soul that loves and hopes so deeply that should you say the words you are longing to speak, you would double over with the pain of their release. We keep our desires, our hopes and our dreams bottled up so tightly, that to speak them would find us floundering in a whole new world. How could we stand to expose ourselves like that? Someone might judge us or laugh at us. How could we live with THAT?

Well, easily. I threw my mask away many years ago. I'm still here. I'm still loved. I'm still respected and honoured. I speak my love, I share what's inside the deepest part of my soul and I'm not afraid of any of it. Complacency was very much a part of the first half of my life. I can look back and see where I could have stepped up or spoken out. I can see where I used silence, when all the while I was longing share my heart song.

Take a leap of faith tomorrow...do one thing or say one thought that frightens you to death...and leave complacency behind you. Life gets very interesting when you dare.

The subject of my blogs has come up quite a bit over the last little while. A friend at work asked me yesterday how long it takes me to write one. No longer than 10 or 15 minutes I told him. He was surprised. Writing is not anguish for me. It's more of a possession. My Mom cracked up when I told her that. I literally place my hands over the keys and whatever is in my brain, is filtered through my heart and comes out my fingers. I'll look at something I've written afterwards and ask myself, where did that come from? Sometimes I'll be a little proud of my eloquence. Sometimes a little in awe of my audacity. Sometimes I just cringe at the boldness...but I let the words stay. I figure as long as I'm not hurting anyone, I'll speak my truth.

I explained to one of my best friends tonight that I try to be very careful not to cross the line when I write. In other words, this is a forum yes, for my beliefs...but it's not meant to be a venue for me to air my troubles and the various and sundry disasters that befall me with alarming and increasing regularity. In actual fact, I have to be a little grateful for my experiences. I always say, how can I teach what I do not know? How can I counsel with utter certitude a lost soul when I have never floundered in the darkness? How can I coach someone to never give up if I'm destroyed every time the universe keeps bending my learning curve? How can I hope to inspire greatness in someone if I don't feel it within myself? There are some I know, who can teach from the simple goodness and sweetness they are mantled with. I can't. I'm in the trenches, fighting the good fight, processing the "lesson" I'm meant to learn; and then with a conviction even I don't understand sometimes, I am compelled to share my hard-won knowledge with the hope that I can save someone else the heartache of despair.

I also don't cross a line where my "people" are concerned. I try very hard to keep my friends' identities private and should I mention them at all, it is with the utmost respect and love. Sometimes I'll have someone ask, "was it me, was it me you were talking about?" I must be doing my job right if you can't tell. And if you can tell, well, only you and I will know :)

I'll have to take this opportunity right now while I'm thinking about it to thank everyone who has filled out the comment section. I received an utterly beautiful accolade tonight from a girl I worked with. I was extremely touched by her faith in me and the inspiration she found in my words. Her loving generosity is her trademark and I have been blessed by her thoughtfulness many times over the years.

Today was a wonderful day. For some reason I felt a welling up of happiness that started around noon and has not left me yet. I was showered with joy and wrapped in the arms of bliss. These kinds of days are precious to me and I never take them for granted. Sweetness and joy filled me up and will carry me into tomorrow with a smile.