I read horoscopes for fun. If I'm reading them on line, you'll find me talking to the screen a lot. I could be saying, "Wow", or "what the hell do you know?" depending on the message delivered. Whether the daily astrological forecast is spun by a "real" classically trained student of the stars, or some hack making a few extra bucks in his basement, some days I just don't care for what is in "star" for me.

But yesterday, I found a gem. I'm quite fond of the new Canadian magazine, Hello. I was flipping through and found the horoscopes for this week at the back. I read something I had been longing for. I had needed someone to articulate my wordless feelings. It said, "Imagine someone has given you a wonderful car. There is just one small problem. You have lost the key to the ignition. So you are going nowhere. Other people are not bothering to offer you a lift. They figure you have your own vehicle, so you don't need their help. You feel reluctant to ask them for it anyway. You ought to be able to travel under your own steam. But where is that darned key?"

That was pretty much a "Wow" moment for me. I've lost my key. I know I have. Except for a three month stint in the summer, I have not worked since last December. This not working for a living is not doing it for me anymore. The novelty wore off in February and since then I have been bouncing off the walls with frustration over the realization that my options for employment are limited. Whoever said that 50 is the new 30 did not bother to advise prospective employers. So, what does that leave me with? Finding a way to use my natural gifts to create meaningful and lucrative self-employment.

So I know the answer, am working on the solution; but inside, I know my key is missing and I do need help finding it.

I was talking to one of my oldest friends the other night. I wasn't in the mood to talk, but I was willing to listen if she wanted to chatter on about her life. Actually just listening to her voice was very soothing. Quite quickly I determined she was uncomfortable with the arrangement. Her voice got a little higher pitched and she offered me the option of talking another night when I was more up to it. Heck, I didn't want to do that. I wanted to just sit and listen. I explained this was fine for me and she should continue. But as the one sided conversation wore on, my monosyllabic grunts were driving her nuts. It was a mess. Our lives have taken vastly different paths. She doesn't approve of my love life. She's worried that my desire to become self-employed is nothing but a pipe dream. She lives a life that most would call safe, secure and privileged. But I counted on our history to see us through my latest life disaster. I needed her to suck it up and carry on as if I were normal. I needed her to believe in me and watch my back.

I left it for one day and then emailed her last night, asking her to just "be there" for me and not to abandon me. She wrote back telling me she doesn't abandon her friends and that I should have a little more faith in her. I responded that I have faith....but I NEED love. Love is my key.

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, my Dad put on his sneakers and headed out the door for a walk. Normally my parents and I walk together when I'm home visiting, but my Mom was tied up; I was writing an article and didn't want to lose the thread, but as I watched him walk off by himself down the street, my heart swelled and I rushed out the door to catch up with him. Inside I was saying, "NOBODY is going to be alone on my watch."

It's a tough thing hanging in there for a friend who's going through a hard time. I know. I've done it. And will do it, again and again and again. And the one thing that gives me the strength to see it through with a friend in need is compassion. Because you're going to need compassion to bear with their moaning and acting out and self-doubt and fear. Some people are born with that gift. I wasn't. I built my well of compassion over a lifetime. There's a great need for it in the world. Especially your own little world that is orbited by family and friends. Everyone revolves around someone else. I read some words yesterday that took my breath away. They are from Deepak Chopra. He said, "Compassion is the closest value to love itself. To be compassionate is not to take pity: it is to extend care to others simply because you see their need."

Think about it and then think about your own well of compassion. Is it bottomless and ever-flowing or can you wring it out with a Kleenex? What would it mean to someone to feel your compassion? Think about all the times it has been given to you. Think about who is in need in your life and then take a minute to extend your care. There are 7 billion strangers on this planet; but just a handful in your circle. Don't let anyone be alone on your watch.

I was watching a movie yesterday about Elizabeth I. Helen Mirren, great British actress, did a fabulous job of portraying the ruler during her middle age and about 27 years into her 4 decades long reign. Her parliament was pressuring her to marry and produce an heir. The imprisoned Mary, Queen of Scotland was plotting against her cousin. Mary's subsequent beheading set Europe aflame and the Spanish Armada was put afloat to destroy the English Protestant heretics.

Elizabeth had one constant through all the years of her miserable childhood, during her flowering as a queen of great strength and up to the very real threat posed by the Spanish horde. Her friend, Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester. Despite her moniker of Virgin Queen, most historians are willing to believe that Leicester was her lover; through his marriages, through her engagements. She leaned on him; fought with him; banished him once or twice; and loved him with a fierce loyalty that was legendary. He would have died for her, and that is exactly what ended up happening. When the movie got to the part where he died, I had to turn it off. Elizabeth was by his side, desolate and heart-broken. Mirren did a great job of portraying the most passionate despair I have ever seen and I couldn't watch.

I was once again reminded that there are things in this universe so powerful they defy true understanding on the intellectual level. But the body and the soul know all truths.

I know the story of one woman I admire. She's smart, well-read and worldly. One day, in a room of people she glanced over her shoulder and into the eyes of a man who was staring at her. The look on his face pierced her heart. Though she barely knew him, at that moment she realized that she was fated to love him. It was one of those "moments"....where the celestial bells ring, the sun covers the earth and the angels weep with joy. Ok. Over-stating and taking outrageous poetic license, but you get the idea. It was a moment that changed her life and continues to fill her with inspiration and happiness to this day. This man is her muse, her joy and one whom she would defend and protect through all the years.

This woman's intuition is her most formidable gift and it showed her a path she would never have taken, but for one moment's shared glance with the man who would become her greatest joy. She wasn't looking for love; she certainly wasn't looking to love him, a man who annoyed and challenged her. She was jolted from her path of least resistance and thrown through a door opened by Destiny....because, her body knew what her mind rejected. Her soul was drawn to his by fate. It's not as if they have an easy union. There are dramas and the normal lack of communication that ironically exists in this most technologically advanced, communication friendly age. He "gets" her, but doesn't always agree with her. She doesn't always "get" him, but tries to with all her might. She gives him the space he needs to be himself. He's learning to give her his trust. Their common ground is their passion for each other, her kindness and compassion and his open mind and huge, loving heart.

She told me yesterday that she was looking out the window and was watching a massively strong tree being buffeted by the wind. The branches bent to the ground with the force being played over them; but they never broke. My friend mused how that tree reminded her of her lover. His feet are strongly planted on the earth; he has been abused and life has played cruel tricks on him; but he has never been broken. His quiet strength fills her with pride and when the lights go out in his eyes one day, the world will know, because her sorrow will cast a shadow over the earth.

My friend is not a queen and her true love is not a peer of the realm; their story will never be told by historians....but her faith is an example to us all. She trusted her fate to a gut reaction and has been given true joy as her gift.

That dear readers, is the story of how fate and fortune conspire and it is up to us to open our eyes to the very real gifts that are being handed to us on a daily basis. If you don't believe me, try this. On any given day, when presented with a choice to act one way or the other, and you know how you always end up choosing what you know, or what feels safe; on that day, choose to walk the other path. You might be pleasantly surprised by what lies on the other side of your fear or indecision. Trust your gut; trust your intuition. Give your over-worked mind a break, walk towards the unknown with faith and let grace guide you to what could be your greatest joy.

I read a line last week that I've been thinking about ever since. The author talked about "the poetry of possibility". That phrase touched me in a way that few have. If you're reading my blog, I'm going to assume that you're aware of the power of possibility, or desperately want to believe in it. I talk about it constantly. I often wonder if anyone believes in it as much as I do though.

Sadly, I think not. My best friend had to break it to me one day that I'm a little different. She said no one dreams the way I do. I couldn't believe it. Why don't people? What else are we here for but to dream big dreams and to try as hard as we can to make them happen? Why are we surrounded by wonder if we don't let it fill us with awe? Why were we given eyes to see with or ears to hear with? Why then was Mozart born? Why Da Vinci, Rembrandt and Picasso? Why were we given souls that long for beauty and love? We were given mouths to eat with, but why lips? Lips that whisper loving sentiments; lips that kiss away pain or flame passion; lips that curve sweetly or open wide with joy and surprise. Why were we given two legs and a whole world if we're not going to walk across it? Why were we given two arms and hands if we're not going to use them to build, create and beckon what we love into them? Why were we given the ability to make choices?

I believe that possibility is about those choices we make. Recently I was given the opportunity to make a huge choice. I've been sitting on it for a week or so. I had the same chance earlier this year but I blew it. I let fear make the decision for me. I had the opportunity to leave everything behind; everything that was comfortable and go seek the adventure I have been craving all my life. I wanted to go to Goa and teach yoga on the beach. I wanted to write about my travels, become a published author and really USE the life I have been given. But I stayed. I feared censure from my family. I feared leaving the comforts of the little life I have built; but mainly, I feared leaving those I love most of all.

The opportunity I have before me this time is much smaller in scope; but it's one I have to consider. My life as it is, isn't serving me any longer. I find myself doing the same things, wishing the same wishes, walking the same walk, waiting and waiting and waiting; for people, for the phone to ring, for doors to open, for my life as I want it, to start. THAT my friends, is the first step to believing in the power of possibility. Recognizing that what you've been doing isn't creating the happiness or fulfillment you crave.

The second step is to act on it. I have sitting on my desk a letter addressed to the owner of the place where I live, giving my notice to vacate as of November 30. I am deeply unhappy here. All of my resources are being used to maintain a lifestyle that is substandard by any measure. I need someplace I can breathe. A smaller town, close to Toronto maybe. My mind is racing with possibility and the choice to pick up the letter and walk it downstairs is staring me in the face.

What will I do? I haven't decided. I do not fear censure from my family anymore. I finally got it. It's MY life. I'm not afraid of leaving my comforts, because I have the enviable gift of feeling "at home" anywhere. As for those I love? If they love me, they will never lose me. But in the meantime, I will close my eyes and dream my dreams; and BELIEVE in the poetry of possibility. Because there's one thing I am sure of....when you believe in possibility and act on it, all that you want will surely follow.