I read a lot of "inspiring" literature. The kinds of books you find in the self-help aisle. Sometimes I read them because I need a question answered. Sometimes to feed the storehouse of knowledge that will help my clients.

I was sitting on the back porch this morning reading a book about the ten secrets every woman should know. By chapter two, I was wondering why just women? The author's secrets are nothing less than universal truths that would significantly improve the inner growth of all individuals of any age.

You know when you're on the verge of a major THOUGHT? It's a slippery thing that darts in and out of your mind and you can't quite catch it or give it form with words. I caught one this morning. As I was reading, I wondered why all the pundits who are espousing all these "truths" are middle-aged.

Now, by your 40's and 50's if you haven't seen your fair share of despair, tragedy and confusion, then read no further....because you are truly one of the blessed ones. But if you're like me and have had a life consisting of ups and downs; major successes followed by disappointment and loss, then think about this.

Have these modern sages come to their wisdom because they truly believe it, or to justify what can be a very cruel life? Don't get me wrong. I LIKE the proposal that all you need to be happy comes from within you. And to a degree it does work. Anyone who knows me knows that I've had an inordinate amount of challenges to deal with. Yet some mornings, I wake up so blissfully happy that if I were a "normal" person, I'd immediately be suspicious about where this happiness came from and why the hell am I because I still don't have a job, I still can't get even 1 person in ten to answer emails concerning work and opportunities, I have no income, my friends are a hundred miles away....but yes I do wake up, honestly, deeply happy.

I'm past the point where I question that gift. I take it and run with it and if it lasts all day, great; if it doesn't, well, I'll wait 'til the next time it shows up. But the thing I'm not so good at is digging deep for that happiness when life is overwhelming me. It's just not gonna happen. So I run with that too. If it's sadness, I'll cry. If it's anger, well, get out of my way. If it's doubt and confusion, then I exercise. Yes, you read that right. Fear and doubt don't stand a chance against an hour of power yoga.

But finding that wellspring of eternal bliss and contentment and drawing on its comfort to sustain me ALL the time, eludes me.

So who are the sages writing for? I have never met one. If I did, would I see their peace in their eyes. Would an aura of serenity envelop me in their presence? The author I'm reading has had an enormous amount of tragedy and has come out the other side blissfully aware of ten secrets. My question is, what will happen when tragedy strikes again as it always does.....will she walk the walk then or wait for it to subside and write another book about another insight?

I don't know. When the pundits offer us happiness on a plate all for the bargain price of having no choice BUT to reach for happiness within when all else fails....when you get laid off, or you have relationship challenges, or when tragedy strikes....it's worth a shot.