I was thinking about excellence and what it means.

I was interviewed by a young reporter from NOW magazine the other day. She was writing an article on chronic worry. I was concerned after reading the article (released today). There was a HUGE omission in my quote. I was giving her my thoughts on how we all give too much mind space to worrying. I'm guilty of that. You know that small problem that starts as a twitch in your stomach and after you've dissected it and looked at it a hundred different ways, that twitch has turned into full blown anxiety accompanied in different degrees by shallow breathing, stabbing fingers of stress along your shoulder blades and maybe even a migraine.

What I DID say to the reporter and want to emphasize is, that worrying is useful in one respect. It makes you AWARE that a problem exists. Once you acknowledge that it exists, turn off the worry and turn your efforts to finding a solution. I know I can't think straight when I'm gnawing on a problem. I'm thinking of the "what if's" instead of the "what can I do's."

That article is going to be read by a LOT of people. That one important omission by the writer could affect people adversely. I'm sorry for that.

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Earlier this morning, I went to work out at the YMCA at Bayview and Sheppard. After tread milling for 30 minutes, I joined a yoga class. If my jaw could have dropped to the ground while holding my leg in the air at the same time, it would have. I was appalled at the total lack of professionalism from the teacher. She had 30 people in the class, of all shapes and sizes. A lot of the women and one man were either well into their senior years or infirm. The instructor had us do poses that it would be difficult for the very young and fit to accomplish. I was ok, firstly because I've practiced yoga for 35 years and am a certified yoga teacher as well, but I also know my body and what is and is not good for it. A lot of people lack that awareness. They want to look cool, or "in the know." They don't want to stand out in the class as the one who couldn't do a pose. She let people twist their bodies into poses without any concern for the proper alignment. She never stressed the importance of linking inhaling and exhaling to certain movements. When she said, "We're going to do some rock and rolls and then roll right into shoulderstand", was when I got up and walked out of the class. Shoulderstand MUST be done properly because of the very great risk to the vertebrae in your neck. One small wrong movement could mean a lifetime of paralysis....and this woman had the class THROW themselves up onto their shoulders. I'm horrified.

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I'm thinking that it's not a long walk from giving something the short shrift to giving it your all. The sense of accomplishment and pride is only the first reward.
What do you want to stand for?

I guarantee you that excellence is not that hard. Colin Powell said, "If you are going to achieve excellence in big things, you develop the habit in little matters. Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude."

Do one thing excellently today and see how you feel. See how it affects others.
If you don't proceed with excellence it can affect not only your own quality of life, but other's as well.

Be excellent!!

When is an act of love, an act of love?
I don't know. That's why I'm asking.
I thought I knew. I believed an act of love was given freely with a pure heart selflessly for the soul/sole purpose of making someones life better for having done it.
I also believed that an act of love was supposed to make you feel good.

Last week I was aching to see the person dearest to my heart. They cancelled via a text message. My first reaction was a pain in my heart. My second reaction was the tears that filled my eyes. My third reaction was blinding rage.
And all this happened on the corner of Bayview and Sheppard where I was waiting for a bus.

I paced back and forth, back and forth and all in a matter of sixty seconds I had to choose how to react.

I chose to reply with love. With no recrimination. With no ranting or raving. With no indication how much pain those few words of text caused me. What made the whole thing worse was, because I was given no explanation of why our getting together was being cancelled, I had a double whammy of feeling as if I was worthless to this person.

So why did I react with love?
I wanted to scream. I wanted to use up every minute on my cell phone and start from day one many years ago and say lookit beloved, this is what you did on December 15, 2002, and then this is what you did on May 24, 2004 and on and on....
Not really, but you get the idea.

So what made me choose words that would soothe and forgive?

I was devastated. I rode home wearing my sunglasses to hide the tears from my fellow travelers. When I got inside the door, I raced up to my room, dropped to my knees and hid my face in a blanket so my housemate couldn't hear me sobbing.

For the past three days I've been asking myself why I did it.
I guess the simplest reason is because I'd rather carry the pain than cause it.

Maybe you're not supposed to feel good all the time just because you give selflessly from the heart. Maybe an act of love given freely, with no guarantee that you'll feel good afterwards is the ultimate gift.