I received a newsletter this morning from Soul Therapy Studio. I was drawn to a quote that said, "People who achieve their dreams have these qualities in common: They have confidence in themselves and a very strong sense of purpose. They never have excuses for not doing something and always try their hardest for perfection. They never consider the idea of failing and they work extremely hard towards their goals. They know who they are and they understand their weaknesses as well as their strong points. They can accept and benefit from criticism and they know when to defend what they are doing. They are creative people who are not afraid to be a little different."

I agree. They DO have all those things in common. But guess what? So do those people who valiantly TRY armed with all those strengths and fail.

Don't be shocked that I'm using the word fail. The only time the word fail has monumental overtones is when you're trying to get the warp core back online before the Klingons attack. If you fail, you're cosmic dust. I'm using a silly example to introduce the notion that failure is not the END. Not the end of a dream. Failure is just another word for opportunity.

That was the theme of my show this week on thatradio.com I call the show Dare to Dream. I could just have easily called it Dare to Dream and When Things Don't Work Out Despite Your Best Efforts Then Fail Spectacularly, Pick Yourself Up and Try Again.
Instead of using arbitrary examples I listed MY failures to make a dream a reality, despite my best efforts. I felt a little nervous exposing my life. When you're courting a coach you want to know that the person in whom you've placed your trust is a winner. You want to believe that they wear the mantle of success you're trying so desperately to achieve yourself. You want them to be infallible and all-knowing. Wise and compassionate. You want to cry in their arms and have them tell you everything will be ok. You want a Buddha, a Christ, a Mother Teresa.

Respectfully I'm going to suggest that you don't.

You want someone who has been in the trenches. Someone who has taken a walk through the fire and has come out the other side intact, whole, still laughing, still fighting, still achieving and most importantly who still BELIEVES.
You want someone who believes in YOU. Someone who'll have your back. Someone who can steer you away from unproductive exercises and shortcut you to the essence of what it is you want to achieve. You want someone who is strong and not afraid to say no to you. You want someone who will never, never, never give up on you, on themselves or on dreams.

If you listen to my show, listen with both ears. In one I'm telling you that I have failed many times. But hear what is being whispered in your other ear. I BECAME a Coach. I BECAME a Yoga Teacher. I BECAME a published writer. These were dearly beloved dreams I pursued relentlessly until I achieved them.

What I was suggesting is that along the way to achievement life is happening simultaneously. Challenges that you could never have prepared for are going to drop in front of you or sometimes on you like a ton of bricks. And if one of those bricks happens to fall on your head, it's most likely that's the moment that you'll give in, give up and throw away the dream.

Or you can do what I do. Kick at those bricks for a while; swear a little. Rant at the unfairness. Then pick them up one by one and start making a path out of them, or a staircase or a new door you can walk through. Use these opportunities to see what you're really made of. Let your strength of purpose and courage out for a little walk around the disaster site and watch them bare their teeth in a fierce grin. Eat those bricks for breakfast.

As I said in my show, for every one person who's had a dozen or a hundred failures, there are millions of people who have never had the courage to even try. Don't be ashamed of failing at something. Because what you'll get out of it is a hundred times more valuable. The perks of success revolve around money. Let's be honest. The perks of failure are infinitesimally more valuable than hordes of cash. Stock markets crash. Recessions happen. Divorce sucks your bank account dry. However, the value of failure can't be stuffed in a wallet. You wear it like a shining armour. Guts, pride, patience, resolve, valour and self-esteem are all yours to keep if you take them as the gifts of failure that they are. No one can take them from you. They can never be devalued. They are priceless. They are the tools that will move a mountain of bricks.

Martin Luther King said, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

So speak your dreams, honour your failures as teachers and carry on. The world needs you.

I was privileged to attend an eco-retreat on Grasshopper Island (Rice Lake) this past weekend. Met a great group of people. Was surrounded by awesome and awe-inspiring scenery. Held a workshop.

Was TOTALLY out of my comfort zone. And LOVED it!!!

My first clue that I wasn't in Kansas anymore was after my solar heated shower the morning after my arrival. Woke up before 6:00 and walked a mile down the dirt path, looking for the sign. Walked a mile back to the cabin head jerking left to right thinking I must have misjudged the distance during the wild ride on the island's jeep during the previous evening's orientation. Nope. Walked a mile back, parted a few fir branches and there was the signpost. I noticed the stall was only 4 fifths covered by curtains. The part that would give me privacy was hanging on a branch not far away. I reached for it and 2000 earwigs scrambled down the sheet and towards my feet. Holding back a primal scream I waited till they dispersed, threw the privacy sheet away and thought, who cares. If anyone walks up, lucky them :)

Hot steamy water in a forest. Can it get any better? Clean and dry I put on my flip flops for the walk back. By the time I reached the cabin, my ankles and feet were filthy with kicked up mud from the path.

I had two choices. Use my drinking water on my vanity or settle into a new comfort zone. To be one with my dirty feet or be a princess. I embraced the filth.



I was talking to the organizer of the retreat today. We were surprised by each other's confessions of the things we held back from ourselves during this wonderful experience. I told her that I was very disappointed in myself. Every night in the centre of the island we gathered for the drummers in the group to jam. One drum after the other would join together to create music that has never been heard before and will never be heard again. It was totally spontaneous and unorchestrated. And then one by one the non-musicians would enter the inner circle and begin to dance to the rhythmic beat.

I however, chose to sit on the sidelines and observe. As a writer this is a useful exercise. As a woman who loves to put on music and dance around my home with sensual abandon, I was aching to shed my inhibitions and join in. But I couldn't. Someone told me today that I was born "a leader and must lead the way for the more wounded ones". That's an awesome responsibility for someone who couldn't even dance.

And I didn't understand. Everything I do, I do with passion. Cooking. Cleaning. Writing. Laughing. Shopping. Coaching. Making love. Loving.

So I made a vow to myself and a commitment to my new friend to join her dance and drumming circle once a month where I WILL leave my skin on the floor, the one that keeps me contained and dignified and join the ecstatic celebration.

I've talked about comfort zones before and how it's imperative to step out of yours as much as you can. But more than that, stepping outside your self-imposed limitations and beating back your unfounded fears is the only way to be your best and brightest self and the only way to your heart's desires....whether it's finding the courage to say I love you....whether it's proclaiming your intentions and then acting on them...or dancing in an ancient forest, your body bursting to express the music of your soul.